Twenty Nine

Me at 29.

All I can think is "Good grief". Nothing original, perhaps I have Charlie Brown on my mind. I didn't sleep very well. I kept having strange dreams. All I kept thinking while my alarm when off is " I don't want to get out of bed". Which is unusual for me. I love birthdays. I am not bothered by the getting older, just the feeling older part which didn't start until today. I am slightly saddened by the thought that I am now 29. I should be excited and happy but instead I am slightly pessimistic about the whole thing. I am trying to be excited for this new year and what is to come. I have been through a lot of shit in my life and I feel as equipped as I possibly could be at this point for the next chapter of my life to take shape and unfold. Dread is a natural response, to a point so I guess I should just relax and enjoy the ride.

I have no idea what I even want to do to celebrate this occasion. I would like to go see a psychic. Perhaps as a way to put a little promise into the future. She could lie but as long as she makes it sound good :) lol I want to drink a little too much and pretend that with my health I am not getting one step closer to the grave, and I would like to enjoy the company of my friends. I need a good laugh.

Its a great fall day. If it was a sunnier I would say the perfect fall day for my birthday. But the rain clouds are mirroring my mood, and threatening rain...no crying on my birthday. I had enough of that last year. To think that one year ago I was watching my mother crash in her hospital bed, doesn't do much to improve my mood, except that she is still here. So its another birthday I get with my mother. And that is a really great birthday wish come true.

I need a drink. This birthday shit is just crazy to me now. I am a true lover of birthdays but this one seems slightly tainted. Damn 29, if it wasn't so close to 30. For which I am dreading more than I can ever say.

Dustin's mom is so wonderful. She cooked me an amazing Pot Roast dinner...my very favorites :) And a Jamoca Almond Fudge Ice Cream Cake from Basken Robbins along with the new Beatles Rock Band. She is so great. Its a ton of fun and I love singing all my favorite songs. Dustin got me perfume, Be Delicious. My new favorite perfume that I have been dying for. I love it but haven't had a chance to wear it yet. Everyone has been great. :)

Okay well I am working, yep. Working on my birthday. I am going to try and entertain myself for a little while longer and then eat my Jimmy Johns sandwich. Yummy.