Tequila nights lead to interesting mornings

I love Tequila. But I really feel I need to learn to let it go. I get a little too friendly and my inhibitions just fly right out the window. All reasoning skills are swimming around ignoring the warning signs that could get me into trouble. I was very well behaved considering. I keep thinking that someday I should just get shit faced and start writing. I mean I don't hold back and it would all just be unapologetically me. Being worried constantly what everyone will think, and say about me is just ridiculous. I mean I am who I am. I really don't want to apologize constantly for it. I know that I make horrible decisions sometimes, I lack the initiative and drive to do much with my like, and I lack the confidence to put myself out there for people to know, I am naive and silly, I have no follow through, I am wishy washy, jealous, easily intimidated, and a huge worrier. Well and about a million other things as well, but I already know that stuff. Its no surprise. So why do I care?

I find myself trying to constantly reassure myself, that who I am is enough. But enough for what? For who? Some people are never going to see me for who I am. Some people will only see what they want, the good, or the bad. But its the people who have the hearts and minds to see me for all that I am and all that I can be that I desire to be nearest to. And it is honestly very hard to find those people and then to keep them close by. I find it strange sometimes how it never matters who has known me the longest, but rather the people that want to know all they can about me that end up being someone I feel close to. I honestly have very few close friends that I want to be close to. And that makes me honestly a little sad and disappointed. Cause I really genuinely care for some people that could give a crap less about me and my life.

So at this point in my life, I am all about strengthening friendships and making connections with people. I have some really great memories with some truly amazing people, and I feel that at this point in my life, that is part of the things I cherish most in life.

So I am trying to write a song, that tells a very important story. I am not so great at writing songs. So this is really entertaining, in a sad and tragic way, but maybe it will work. We shall see.
I keep going back and forth between something all bleeding and internal to something cheesy and off the sleeve. Once again, I find myself worried about what someone else will think
Ugh,
Tequila.
You make my heart bleed.

I need some sleep. Gnite all.

Sweet dreams.