Another Late Night

I swear I sleep. It just seems like lately I don't go to bed till the sun is coming up. My brain just won't shut off. Lately it seems more active than usual. Maybe its just trying to keep busy at the wrong time or maybe I have just gotten myself totally off track but no matter what I am unable to sleep until at least 3 am. I am going to have to get myself on a better schedule. It's been horrible even trying to get up early. I would really like to savor the day. Especially since the weather has been so much cooler. I am completely ready for fall.

My mom's 59th birthday was the other day. Next year is a really big one and I hope that I will be at a point that I can throw her a party to truly honor her. Me getting older is scary but my mother getting up there in age really terrifies me. With all her health problems, it just really scares me that I am going to have to face that one day she just won't be here anymore. She has been my rock. I can't imagine not having her around. She is the only one in my life that knows me, she can comfort, console, guide, and advise me through anything. What in the hell will I ever do without her? Lord, I pray its a long time before I ever have to find out. Enough of that morbid thinking. I can't handle anymore of that thinking.

I still have no job. No car. No surprise there, huh? Sunday we are supposed to go to the Renaissance Festival. Poor Margie hurt her knee so she doesn't think she will make it. Sad. I will miss her. Her and I enjoy looking at the same things. Dustin is pretty excited, despite the fact we will have very little money. I still think it will be a ton of fun. Plus we are hoping to make it out again before it closes. He and I are still dealing with some issues. Well, I am still dealing with some issues with him. He is quietly waiting to see if it passes over. I don't think he will ever realize that ignoring problems does not make them disappear.

I watched Empire Records tonight. It's been forever since I saw it and I adore this movie so much. Ethan Embry. Yum. I came across Grease and it made me laugh. Caroline is choreographing Grease at their old high school. I am really excited to see it complete. It sounds like so much fun, I hope it all comes out great. I miss that part of high school. I can see Caroline enjoys it, and I can only imagine how much work it is but I am very envious. It will be so rewarding once all the hard work is complete. I just keep thinking that I need to find a project to immerse myself in like that, to keep me going till I can find a job. I have all those pictures I need to work on, but that takes money and Dustin and I go through money so fast I never have a chance to get the things I need. I am just going to have to hash it out and spend the money so I can have some sanity. I need busy work. I need an outlet. Ugh I need to go to bed.

:P Sondra D.

Reconnecting

I had a bad night yesterday. I have had a few in the past couple of weeks. I have been trying to pull myself out of this funk that I am in, with no success. But I just keep trying. After the other night, I had to reach out and talk to someone. But not just anyone, someone who knows me like no one else knows me. I have been feeling off and I needed to find my center so I can start again.

Joe. Joey. One person whom I will forever and always consider my best friend. He has this way of calling my soul home. He is something that I can never quite define or put in any certain category in my life. To further illustrate that point when he returned my call, I heard the special ring tone I gave him a long time ago " Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane and things just sort of clicked in my head.

I walked across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know

Somewhere only we know

It's truly funny how much you miss someone and you don't even realize it. I mean how could life get so full that I not see how much I missed someone. I know people change and shit happens but it seems silly that we couldn't make time for one another. Regular phone call or something. He isn't the first person that I have lost touch with. I just hope we always have the chance to reconnect. I hope that this isn't the last time we talk and I hope the next time isn't so far off.