Hating Guys

In the past I have considered some of my rants and raves childish, and I probably get irritated at all kinds of silly things and let them get me a lot madder that I should, but over the past week I have really HAD IT with some of this bullshit. I am by no means a big baby, I have taken care of myself pretty well. I may whine and cry but I soldier on. Teeth pain can be quite a different story for me. My wisdom teeth are causing quite a problem and it is on going. Advil hasn't helped and I cannot find a dentist willing to help me when I have little money. So I am trying to just keep going. But when I need help I ask for it. And to have someone I love look at me crying and puking from the pain and just sitting their doing nothing really pisses me off in a whole new way. Whatever may happen between now and when I feel better, I will never forget how cruel people can be. I have wished all kinds of horrible things on them and I know that it is wrong no matter how strong the pain but I do really hope that someday they too will need help and I hope that someone will help them and offer kindness that was not offered to me.

Lately I feel as if the rose-colored glasses have really come off and the shady world is now out to bring me down. I have that low, sullen feeling that I can't do anything right and that nothing will ever be good again. This year has been quite a ride and with more twist and turns than ups and downs. I hope that the end of the year will have a lot more to offer. I am looking around at apartments online and trying to find a place for ME , something I can afford on my own with a car payment because I really need a car. I have to say if I learned nothing else this year it would be that I really can only rely on myself. Because when it comes down to it, no one is really here to hold my hand and help me. That is also one of the shittiest things I have ever come to realise. So all is all that really says something about my life thus far.

Here's hoping there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and at this point I could care less if its just a fucking train!