I have always been a big believer in fate. Strange things happen all the time, and I believe that things happen for a reason. Even bad things. My grandmother on my father's side, Myrtle Davis, passed away Tuesday. I found this out this morning when I came into work and decided to check my My Space page. I had several new messages and a new friend request. I looked at the friend request and I knew who it was immediately. My cousin Breena.
Now let me give all my friends some history on my family because while 
everyone knows my mothers side of the family, this side belongs to my father. Most of you know only the basics about my dad. I was 9 when he had a fatal heart attack and passed away. I have poems of all sorts about that period in my life because it was a hard one. One that has made my mother and I closer and closer over the years. My father had 12 heart attacks before the last one that finally took him. He had heart disease, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, he also had a bad back. As I got older I realised he also had other problems but then there are a lot of things you don't see as a kid, or don't realize. He was a wonderful father. I miss him everyday and I wish like hell that I could have known him better and I am jealous as hell of the people that did. He was married and had 2 kids, Debbie and Mike before he divorced and then met and married my mother. So I have a step sister and some nieces and nephews, and a step brother (who might now have kids as well). My father had 2 sisters and a brother. Breena was my cousin and she is the one who found me on My Space. Breena and I were close when I was growing up, we were close in 
age so we fit perfectly. We would stay the night at grandma's house and we would stay up all night playing pong and all sorts of weird games. My grandmother was eccentric, to say the least. I have never understood her, and never claimed to. Breena was why I went to grandma's. She was my favorite person in the whole world back then. And no matter how much we did or didn't like grandma, that is why we went. When my dad passed away everything went grey.
age so we fit perfectly. We would stay the night at grandma's house and we would stay up all night playing pong and all sorts of weird games. My grandmother was eccentric, to say the least. I have never understood her, and never claimed to. Breena was why I went to grandma's. She was my favorite person in the whole world back then. And no matter how much we did or didn't like grandma, that is why we went. When my dad passed away everything went grey.
I remember people arguing at his funeral, fighting, things in chaos and my mother crying. It seemed like everyone just wanted a piece of everything. Things got rough, we went on food stamps and my mother was working like crazy, she was getting migraine headaches that would put her in the hospital and everything was hard. I know things were okay with the family for a while but then it seemed as if things just started to change. Now I was young but I can distinctly remember my grandmother calling every year on Earth Day, the day my father died and wanting to go out and celebrate. I never understood this and for a while it just made me 
angry with her. Now that I am older I can only hope it was her weird way of celebrating his life and not his death as she made it sound. She was not always in her right mind I think. Because I can remember after all those heart attacks my father had to endure the last on that killed him she said "well at least we know he wasn't faking it". I have never understood her, where and why she would think , let alone say something like that out loud after her son just died. Basically after too many times of hateful words spoken I realised I wanted nothing to do with her.When I was 15, after many years of struggling and food stamps and taxes on the house the we couldn't afford and everything falling apart, I had to call my mothers best friend to take her to the hospital because my mother couldn't get out of bed because her headaches was so bad. Turns out she had high blood pressure brought on my the medicine they had 
given her to try and stop the headaches and she was very ill. The day after my mother finally got to come home my grandmother, Myrtle called the house for the hundredth time regarding the taxes, my mother was not to get out of bed so I told her she could not come to the phone and she got very angry with me. I told her to leave us alone my mother is sick and she kept on and kept on calling and then the next day while my mother was at her doctors appointment, my grandmother showed up banging on the door. She yelled at me and told me to get my mother. And I told her she was not at home. She pushed her way in and looked around the living room and of course my mother was not there. I told her she had been in the hospital and that she could not deal with the stress and she screamed at me and told me I was a liar and my mother was a liar and that she didn't want to lose the house because we couldn't pay the taxes and 
she yelled and screamed until I finally lost it. I had never yelled at an adult, let alone my grandmother but I couldn't stand there and let her bad mouth me and my mother and my family like that. So I told her to get the hell out, that my mother was very ill and she didn't need her in her face so to get out and never come back. I was balling and screaming and I was scared to death. Ask me if I regret it? I wish I could say no, but I don't. She was hateful and evil that day and she brought it on herself. After that, I can remember telling my mother what I had done and crying, saying how sorry I was and everything else. I know my mother talked to her several times after that, my grandmother said I was horrible to her and hit her, which was not true. She told my mother all kinds of horrible things that never happened. And now she is gone.
given her to try and stop the headaches and she was very ill. The day after my mother finally got to come home my grandmother, Myrtle called the house for the hundredth time regarding the taxes, my mother was not to get out of bed so I told her she could not come to the phone and she got very angry with me. I told her to leave us alone my mother is sick and she kept on and kept on calling and then the next day while my mother was at her doctors appointment, my grandmother showed up banging on the door. She yelled at me and told me to get my mother. And I told her she was not at home. She pushed her way in and looked around the living room and of course my mother was not there. I told her she had been in the hospital and that she could not deal with the stress and she screamed at me and told me I was a liar and my mother was a liar and that she didn't want to lose the house because we couldn't pay the taxes and 
she yelled and screamed until I finally lost it. I had never yelled at an adult, let alone my grandmother but I couldn't stand there and let her bad mouth me and my mother and my family like that. So I told her to get the hell out, that my mother was very ill and she didn't need her in her face so to get out and never come back. I was balling and screaming and I was scared to death. Ask me if I regret it? I wish I could say no, but I don't. She was hateful and evil that day and she brought it on herself. After that, I can remember telling my mother what I had done and crying, saying how sorry I was and everything else. I know my mother talked to her several times after that, my grandmother said I was horrible to her and hit her, which was not true. She told my mother all kinds of horrible things that never happened. And now she is gone. I am not sorry about the relationship I don't / never had with her. But I am sorry I missed out on the rest of the family. I loved Linda so much. She was like an idol to me for so long when I 
was younger. She made me want to learn to draw and sculpt and write. I think a big part of me when to Paseo because of her, and she had never known that. I am not even sure she would want to know. I am so happy that I have a chance to reconnect with this family that I have missed so many years with, I only hope that they feel the same way. I am nervous. I can't deny that. So many lies were said and I can only imagine how over the years things got worse. I hope that isn't so. But even if it is, my mother and I are going to go reunite with them and I am so excited to see Breena and everyone. I can't believe after all these years of wondering, fate stepped in.
was younger. She made me want to learn to draw and sculpt and write. I think a big part of me when to Paseo because of her, and she had never known that. I am not even sure she would want to know. I am so happy that I have a chance to reconnect with this family that I have missed so many years with, I only hope that they feel the same way. I am nervous. I can't deny that. So many lies were said and I can only imagine how over the years things got worse. I hope that isn't so. But even if it is, my mother and I are going to go reunite with them and I am so excited to see Breena and everyone. I can't believe after all these years of wondering, fate stepped in. 
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