Regrets and Closer

Why do we hold on to things and relationship that hurt us so bad in the past? I want everyone reading this to know I am not necessarily talking about myself although I know I have done it and continue to do it. There are things I have done that I would never want to repeat and while I can replay those images like a movie in my mind, quite honestly I do try and forget. Not to save my conscience, cuz that would be impossible to do, but to keep my heart glued together, it's the only way I know how to make it through. Do I regret? Of course. Would I take any of it back? Maybe. But then I might not be the same person I am today. To all the guys I have loved and cried over, I feel like no matter where I am, I am with you. It's the truth, I hate none of my ex's, though some deserve whatever fate deemed. I won't carry the baggage of the pain they gave me. Just the lesson that they taught me and the lesson I learned. I had a friend, I am keep out names for a reason, call me today because he/she got an email from an ex that left them with an unresolved issue. Love I believe never really dies, never really fades. It is always their with you but in a less obvious way. I can't say I haven't been lied, cheated, hurt, beaten, raped or tortured by love. I have been many places I never want to go again in the name of anything including love. I paid my dues. I created hells of my own. I lied, I cheated, I hurt, and I tortured people I loved. But I learned that regret can tear you up, and leave you hollow. It can make you hate yourself for things you would never normally believe. Try as we might, we cannot get into other peoples heads, we can't make them tell us how they really feel, or make them say what we want them to say. But as my friend figured out, after some time, they just might open up and let you know how they really feel.

I have to say, I know Dustin and I have had our problems. Relationships are never easy and with all the baggage the two of us have together it makes it even more difficult. We have our share of arguments, but I have to say, we know how to talk to each other when we are upset, hurt, or mad. We forgive each other and we work hard to talk our issues out. Dustin and I aren't perfect. I let things he does irritate me and then I get pissy with him, and he doesn't know how to help me and sometimes he doesn't understand, but we work around those problems. And we make that effort because we love each other. And I greatly appreciate all the many ways he does help, listen, talk and care about me. But we still have problems, its just a matter of being willing to work them out and not blame them on one another.

After talking to my friend, I realize how good I have it. And no matter what may happen in the future, I know we will meet our problems together and that just might make all the difference in the world.