What To Do! MEN SUCK!!

Okay. I am calmly going to vent my frustration about how a selfish asshole has pissed me off today. What is worse, is that this selfish asshole is my boyfriend. What does it say about me that I am with a guy who is incredibly selfish? I am really just trying to figuer this shit all out because it's really starting to get to me that shit like this keeps happening to me. Anyone who knows me, and can call me a friend knows that I love Allister. It's evident in many of my everyday life. I have a keychain, I have several shirts, all the CD's that I play, I have their sticker on my night stand, I have posts on my blogs and web pages about them. Hell the only thing I dont have is a tattoo and give me freakin' time for that damn it. And still I tell him months ago that he needs to request Feb. 17th the night off for Allister cause they will be in Lawrence. And then I proceed to remind him week after week and as it got closer day after day and I kept asking him if he did it and did he request it off? NO!!! I cant help but wonder, WHAT THE FUCK!!??!! He tells me that today. Calling like its no big deal. Acting still like its no big deal. When I just honestly what to ask him if he gives a shit at all. "Is there any way I can make it up to you?" he asks. Honestly, I dont know. Add that to all the things that do and will do for him in and out of the bedroom and that he just out right won't do for me and I am just .... at a loss for words. I just really don't get it. Men suck. Selfish men suck even worse. I just don't even know what to do. I don't have anyone to go with so its not like I can just go without him and I shouldn't have to considering as much time as I gave him. It's just soo amazing what a jerk he can be. GRRR!!

I did what girls do best and called a friend to bitch and complain. Samantha understands why I am so upset. Seeing as how she is my best friend and knows just how much I love Allister. I just can't believe that I am going to miss Allister, for the 1st time. Its so fucking depressing. And since I already have enough stuff to be depressed about and I really dont need another reason, I am getting even more pissed off. What am I supposed to do? Yell? Scream? Bitch? Fight? What good does it do? I did more than enough of that with Richard and look at where that got me. I hate feeling like I am powerless, but ultimately that is what I am. Geez. Everyday is another reminder of what I want but can never have. Happiness eludes me. Perhaps I am just one of those people that is meant to skim by life. Just getting by. Well hu-fucking-rray! Ugh! There isnt music to suit my mood at the moment. And these stupid ear phones won't stay in. I hate these damn ear bud thingies. All of them hurt my ears cause they are to big.

GRR!


Should I talk slower like you're a retard?Should I talk slower like you're retarded?Yo, they think you're dumbI think you're smartNo, wait, I liedI think you're dumbThey think you're dumbI think you're smartNo, wait, I liedI think you're dumbGet it?Get it?Get it?You just dont get it!!!Get it?Get it?Get it?You stupid motherfuckerYou stupid motherfuckerYou stupid motherfucker!It's under your noseIt's under your noseIt's under your noseIt's under your noseIt's over your headIt's over your headIt's over your headIt's over your headIt's out of your reachIt's out of your reachIt's out of your reachIt's out of your reachYou stupid motherfucker!You stupid motherfuckerYou stupid motherfucker!

And then I lost it and broke out into Mindless Self Indulgence. Sorry. Perhaps its time to take a time out and get a glass of chocolate milk. Poor Dustin soon he will be home and have to deal with ...............................ME! >>>>Hide your children.<<<<<