Listening to Death Cab for Cutie - PLANS




Sunday. Another day down. Only I am not sure what I am looking forward to. I am getting broker by the minute and not getting a single step closer to having a job. I decided it was a Death Cab For Cutie kind of day. I missed Resurection Sunday on 96.5 The Buzz which sucks. And I need something to calm my restless brain. I have dreams. And I swear I am not crazy. I dreamt that Jenny's dad would be coming around to all our tables at Jenny's wedding and I had never met Jenny's dad before. Then the day that Samantha and Hootie found out they were having a girl, I dreamt that they were having a girl several hours before we ever found out. So now I find all the dreams that I have I look at more carefully. I also have really amazing dreams that seem like movies. Vivid, amazing. Sometimes scary but amazing none the less. The trouble is that I have a horrible time remembering them. I know the easiest solution is to keep a journal by my bed but I would still forget. or not capture everything just right. I would love to make a movie or a write a book someday about one or some of my dreams. I really don't dream often enough.

This morning I had a dream about Dustin. I often have dreams about him. I know he will betray or hurt me someday. Thats all my subconcious seems to tell me about him. Now in my dream he lied to me. A lot. He hid things from me and didnt tell me how he felt and well that's what Dustin does. I wish I could make him open up to me. But he doesn't do that. He has secrets, there is a whole person inside him that he never lets talk. I know I too have secrets. All ones I am willing to share but not willing to relive. That's why I write. I have always written. I have journals that spread over 10 years I am sure. And in truth that is what this is for me. Its my outlet. Ms. Roberts once said if your a writer you have to write cause you just can't bare to keep it inside. That's the way it feels. Honestly. I miss the openess that I once had with being able to write poems when a thought struck me. I feel like through the years I have lost my openess. I feel like I closed that place off. And with it, my confidence and my pride. I have lost the key to the place that I locked away. Someday I hope to reawaken that part of me. It's much more valueable than I originally thought.

Well Dustin is home and I think we may go see Samantha and Hootie tonight. Or something. Well...enjoy the sun and have a great day.

Fiery_Gurl