Is There Hope?
You know I will never understand why I can't find a guy that will help me when I need help. Hold me when I feel down. You know, comfort me. Be there. Without expectations, without being asked. Someone that will just be there because he cares, because he loves me. Maybe I am just the type of person that when someone is in pain I sympathize. I want to help. I will be the first person to admit that I can be an evil wicked bitch sometimes but I also have a 
fucking heart. When someone is sick, I want to help. But apparently that can be too much to ask of some people. I swear sometimes I wish .....geez, I don't know what I wish. Wishing gets me no where and it gives me false hope. It's sad but I am beginning to think all hope is false. I hope that isn't true. LOL Yeah. Hope. As I sit here. Feeling like shit. What does the guy that swears he loves me sit and do? Play video games. Maybe that's better than him sitting there looking at me with this blank "and?" look on his face that I 
honestly wish I could just smack right off his face sometimes. Maybe its better he play games than sit there and pretend that I matter. Cause I am honestly tired of hearing I'm sorry. I am tired of caring what he thinks about me, I am tired of feeling not good enough. I am tired of fawning all over a guy who looks at me like I am invisible sometimes. I crave him. I won't deny it. I won't lie about it. I want to spend hours making him groan and writhe and sweat. I want to please him in ways he only dreams about. But you know what else I want? I want him to crave 
me. I want him to spend hours teasing me and kissing me and making me moan and beg. I want him to feel what I feel. I want him to know that need , that love , that desire for me that I feel for him. But instead I get ....ignored. I am not fawned over. I am not even worth staying awake for. I have to say for the first time in my life I feel like I am nothing. He used to make me feel special and fill me with confidence. Now all I do is doubt myself. And while I know a lot of that is my doing. He doesn't feel the same way I feel for him. I want to 
please him in every way god made possible. He just wants to please himself. Its all about him. What movies he likes. What games he likes. What he likes to do. I have to twist his arm to watch a movie that I like whether its a movie classic like Breakfast Club that everyone loves or a chick flick. There has never been a guy who didn't like touching me. Caressing me. Kissing my neck. Getting me hot but fingering me. turning me on. I was spoiled. Archie, Michael, Melvin, Eric, Joe, Richard, Jason. They would love to get me so wet I was dripping down my 
leg, just begging them for it. Is it any wonder why I feel like I am awful. Like a piece of shit? Dustin can't say that. Dustin can't say he gives a shit about turning me on. Cause it doesn't matter. Richard was like that for a while but then it was like it hit him one day and that all changed. Stupid me, I am just waiting for it to hit Dustin.
fucking heart. When someone is sick, I want to help. But apparently that can be too much to ask of some people. I swear sometimes I wish .....geez, I don't know what I wish. Wishing gets me no where and it gives me false hope. It's sad but I am beginning to think all hope is false. I hope that isn't true. LOL Yeah. Hope. As I sit here. Feeling like shit. What does the guy that swears he loves me sit and do? Play video games. Maybe that's better than him sitting there looking at me with this blank "and?" look on his face that I 
honestly wish I could just smack right off his face sometimes. Maybe its better he play games than sit there and pretend that I matter. Cause I am honestly tired of hearing I'm sorry. I am tired of caring what he thinks about me, I am tired of feeling not good enough. I am tired of fawning all over a guy who looks at me like I am invisible sometimes. I crave him. I won't deny it. I won't lie about it. I want to spend hours making him groan and writhe and sweat. I want to please him in ways he only dreams about. But you know what else I want? I want him to crave 
me. I want him to spend hours teasing me and kissing me and making me moan and beg. I want him to feel what I feel. I want him to know that need , that love , that desire for me that I feel for him. But instead I get ....ignored. I am not fawned over. I am not even worth staying awake for. I have to say for the first time in my life I feel like I am nothing. He used to make me feel special and fill me with confidence. Now all I do is doubt myself. And while I know a lot of that is my doing. He doesn't feel the same way I feel for him. I want to 
please him in every way god made possible. He just wants to please himself. Its all about him. What movies he likes. What games he likes. What he likes to do. I have to twist his arm to watch a movie that I like whether its a movie classic like Breakfast Club that everyone loves or a chick flick. There has never been a guy who didn't like touching me. Caressing me. Kissing my neck. Getting me hot but fingering me. turning me on. I was spoiled. Archie, Michael, Melvin, Eric, Joe, Richard, Jason. They would love to get me so wet I was dripping down my 
leg, just begging them for it. Is it any wonder why I feel like I am awful. Like a piece of shit? Dustin can't say that. Dustin can't say he gives a shit about turning me on. Cause it doesn't matter. Richard was like that for a while but then it was like it hit him one day and that all changed. Stupid me, I am just waiting for it to hit Dustin. 
For now...I am just going to listen to music loud. Louder. Loudest. Drown out the world and pretend............
2 comments:
I know both of you and you know how I feel about you two. He is a dumbass. And unfortunately he doesn't see that. He love you. Hold on to that. You have much left in life to endure and he will be there even if it is only to piss you off when you feel like shit. lol Does he read the comments? DUSTIN YOUR A DUMBASS!! Praise your lucky stars that girl loves you. Get down and pledge your love for her everyday!
Hearts and Shit
Your Girly
Shit I forgot! DUSTIN YOU DUMBASS > get something yummy to eat off that girl! lol You two horny fucks!
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